Tea Jay – I Tried Sex Magic
I Tried Sex Magic
Let’s talk about sex. Specifically, my sex life. I’ve been sexually active for eight years. I lost my virginity (to a man) in the back seat of my friend’s car at a fairground (I had been intimate with girls several years prior). It was awkward and uncomfortable, and I felt like I had to do it again. Not because I wanted to, but because I felt expected to do it. I started off with a really unhealthy relationship with sex. I practically begged guys to sleep with me. In college, I started really experimenting with my sex life (for the first semester) until I eventually dropped out for a relationship. For about six months in that relationship, I had a good relationship with sex. Then, it turned abusive and violent, and eventually, sex turned into sexual assault and rape. I stayed in that environment for several years before leaving and moving back home. A few months later I met my current partner (my husband). We waited a while before having sex, but I jumped back into what I thought was expected, without every confronting the sexual trauma I had just endured. It all seemed fine, until about a year ago. Between the antipsychotics I’m taking, and the trauma that I endured (which now accounted for womb trauma from childbirth) I lost my sex drive completely.
Whenever I talk to a healer (psychics, reiki masters, etc) one of the first comments is that my sacral chakra is out of whack. I was talking to my friend, witch/magic mindset mentor, Victoria Crossman about how I was feeling uncreative lately and losing passion, and she mentioned that this could be in connection to the blockage in my sacral chakra. I looked on her website and saw that Victoria was offering a sex magic class. Part of the description said that sex magic can be used to heal. I figured, in addition to my therapy, this could really help me.
And I know what you’re thinking; chakras and magic? What am I, losing my mind? Hear me out; I have never felt worse about myself after a tarot reading, reiki session, or even prayer. I have always felt uplifted when someone directs their energy into my spirit. I don’t know how much I believe in all the fantasy of things, but I believe in science, and I believe in the law of attraction (meaning if you really focus on something you can make it yours). I have a vision board, I have a tarot deck, and I have a bible. All of those things make me feel good!
So, I signed up for the class. It took place over the computer, which was really neat because it felt like an online class to me. Victoria talked over the microphone while her presentation filled the screen. During the class, she burned sage and dried rose, and had out rose quartz and amethyst. Her voice was soothing, and her knowledge is incredible. Victoria starts off by saying sex magic, in addition to therapy, has really helped her. It has helped her heal and has helped her manifest money. She explains that you do not have to be sexually active with a partner to use sex magic.
She then dives into journal questions. She asks what do we (the students) want to get out of this workshop? I think about it, then answer (in my journal) that I want to heal from my sexual traumas. I want to be comfortable in my own body, and I don’t want to hide myself. I don’t want to be afraid to be feminine. While answering her questions she transmits the energy of the rose quartz. I feel my body covered in tingles. People will say it’s all in your head, but does that matter when it makes you feel good?
So what is sex magic? Sex magic is using energy and focusing it to manifest (physical things and emotions). Sex magic can be used during foreplay, masturbation, and during sex. The most affected chakras are the root and sacral. The root chakra is where all sex stuff is about safety and security. She goes on to explain that creativity and sex trauma go hand in hand and that you don’t need to orgasm to use sex magic. The class was informative and soothing, and I felt eager to try it out over the course of the week.
ONE WEEK LATER
So, I’ve been using the sex magic for close to a week now, and although I haven’t manifested anything physical (my goal was for 20 patrons on Patreon, and honestly I just don’t think I’ve been using sex magic long enough to manifest something) I have noticed a significant change in my person. This week I was a lot more confident. I wore tighter clothing and dressed to impress. I let my friend do my makeup, and felt a lot more confident taking selfies. I even posted a full body photo (something I never do because I’m self-conscious). A little bit has come up though in feeling this good in relation to the sex trauma. I feel undeserving of all these things. I think this is something I’ll have to focus in on and maybe tell myself I’m safe when practicing sex magic.
Sex magic has given me the confidence boost I needed and has helped my creativity come back. I wouldn’t say it’s something to replace therapy with, but I think it can be an excellent tool in your basket. It’s a great way to love yourself too. Victoria is a great teacher, and the class is so open and loving that it takes the shyness away. I would absolutely recommend to try sex magic and to learn more.
Tea Jay is a young author and mental health and foster care advocate based out of New England. She is a mother, first and foremost, to a toddler, Jack. Tea is the author of the children’s book I’m Sick and the upcoming short story book Reformed Drama Queen. She is a frequent contributor to The Mighty,, Stigma Fighters, and more.